Being vulnerable. Just putting that word down makes my stomach drop a little. It is incredibly hard to let your guard down sometimes. Social media is the perfect example of that. I like to post the pretty pictures of my children doing cute things. I choose not to post a picture of me hurrying through the grocery store while one child is having a meltdown and the other is eating through the wrapper on the brick of cheese I just put in the cart.
Lately, being vulnerable with God has been the biggest struggle. It's hard, isn't it? I don't want to admit that I truly need God. People tell me I'm calm and have it all together, so I believe them. Having 3 small children and other life happenings have made it so I shut God out recently to not let myself feel "less than." I read my bible every day. I pray. But really open myself? Confess that I am not control? I was afraid once I opened the gates I couldn't stop.
And I was right. This past weekend I went to an amazing conference called Hope Spoken. It was an incredible weekend of hearing story after story of God's love. God's forgiveness. God's mercy. In different women through all walks of life. And through sharing these stories, including my own, my wall started to crumble. And while those barriers are still there, I'm working to let God in. Let people in. Let God use those people that love me actually love me. And in turn I hope to better love others. Because that's what God calls us to, right? To truly love our neighbors. No matter what that looks like.
So I am broken. I do not know all the answers. I do not have it all together. But I am loved.
No comments:
Post a Comment