Loving versus being right

A topic that has been close to my heart lately is how to love people in a world that is so constantly divided, constantly at war with each other.  Black versus white.  Rich versus poor.  Right versus left.  Toilet paper over versus under.  Everyone has something to prove, to make sure the world knows what is the "right" way to live (clearly over).  I can find any article and post it on social media that obviously proves that my way of thinking is the right way.

But where is the love?

Lets look at Jesus.  How he interacted with people around Him. I am by no means a Bible expert but I don't recall Him preaching at people too often that didn't want to be preached at. In fact, Zaccheus, by all Jewish standards was a horrible man.  And Jesus said- let's go eat! Niccodemus?  He desired to know more so interviewed Jesus.  When Jesus attempted to go off in solitude? People followed him.  Asked Him to teach more.  And Jesus loved them, so He did.

My job as a Christian is not to decide who is right and who is wrong.  Jesus is much more than that.  If people have questions about my beliefs I would love to talk and share.  My job is to love.  As Christians we spend so much time pointing out what people are doing wrong that all we are doing is driving people away from God.  I wish we could all stop throwing stones and realize that if we truly loved like God loved us, we could pull so many more people toward the God that gives more grace than we will ever deserve.

Home tour

As many of you know, we have recently moved. We bought an older home in one of our favorite areas of town and (with the help of an amazing contractor) have been renovating since April. 

We love the house- but it was built in 1968 and has had the same owners the whole time, so it needed a little...updating. Several people asked to see some before and after pics, so here goes!

Entry:

We thought about keeping the brick here, but it was crumbling and would have cost more to restore it so out it went. 

Living area:

Added some built ins to change the flow a bit, stained the floors a little darker to match the beautiful mahogany beams on the ceiling.

Another view: 

Kitchen (definitely my favorite):

The back room used to have a built in bar, but we liked the idea of a big open dining area not as closed off. Plus the windows give a lot of great light. 

The entry off the garage had some great storage space but the cabinets were falling apart so we converted it into a mudroom. 

The last thing we really updated was the master bath. We changed the configuration a bit to fit 2 sinks and got rid of the awesome saloon doors (don't worry, they are still present in other areas)

We did a lot up front, but like with any older home there's always a list of more. For instance, the upstairs bath...

Complete with pink dressing room (and saloon doors!) and full bath with avocado fixtures and carpet (which I hear should be awesome with potty training a boy). 

We love our new home, love walking to school, spending time around the table with our friends and family. So come join us any time!

Being content

Recently in our Sunday School class we did a study called "Too Busy Not to Pray," by Bill Hybels. In his book he talks about the importance of close prayer time and outlines a lot of clear cut examples of how to deepen your relationship with God. I don't know about you, but I'm not the best at remembering to really pray.  Oh, I can shoot the occasional "God, please be with so and so," or "Lord help me with..." But really praying? Not my forte. 

Reading through this book came at a time where we were tackling a major life decision as a family. Whether I would continue to work. I only work one day a week as a nurse practitioner, but for the last several months I felt like it had been a major tax on our family and that it was time to move on. My husband felt that in the future when kids are older I would want this job, so it was important to keep my toe in the door. 

So we decided to not talk and just pray about it for 3 days. Like really pray. Multiple times a day. And spend time listening. That's the hardest part for me. Before really practicing, I would start off trying to listen to God's word and end up making a mental to do list of the day's activities.  Through the practice and discipline of prayer I finally felt like I heard God's voice. Be content. I am sufficient. My husband heard God speaking to just support me 100% in whatever I heard.  

So I left my job. I had a great job, but I am confident that right now, I need to put my all in my family.  And periodically I have those doubts creep into my head.  Is it enough? Am I enough? Should I be doing more? I have dreams about the future, should I start to work toward them now?  For the first time in my life I have no 5 year plan, no idea what the future holds.  But again and again I hear God's voice. Be content. I am sufficient. I only hope I can continue to listen. 

Honoring all moms

I wanted to take a moment this weekend to wish you all a happy Mother's Day.  

To the mama celebrating her first baby, happy Mother's Day. 

To the newly pregnant mom, anticipating a new season in life, happy Mother's Day.

To the busy moms of little ones that are constantly in need leaving you weary at times, happy Mother's Day.

To the busy moms of older kids who are beginning to resist their parents guidance, happy Mother's Day.

To those who want to be moms desperately but life hasn't worked out the way they planned, happy Mother's Day.

To those who have lost their little ones too soon and are aching through their whole body this weekend, happy Mother's Day.

To the foster mamas that give all their love to a child that they know may not be theirs forever just so that child can know what love is, happy Mother's Day.

To the first mamas, the birth mothers who for whatever reason made the choice to place their children for adoption. Happy Mother's Day. This weekend we will light a candle and pray for our son's first mother and his foster mother. Women who are a vital part of our son's story, who will shape who he is.  His life is not ideal but we hope to honor all the women that loved him and pray for them always.

Praying for all you mamas out there this weekend!

Freely, Freely

Sunday, a day of rest. Coming to church this morning thinking of all the unrest and brokenness in this world. Baltimore. Nepal. Division and need everywhere we turn. And instead of rest for a weary soul, our pastor Shyloe this morning reminded us of these words at the end of Jesus's life.  

‘Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,  teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Matthew 28: 19-20, NASB

Um, that's not the rest I was hoping for. In fact that's the opposite. I am reminded that by giving my heart and soul to Jesus that means that I have to then follow through. Now that looks very different for each person but it implies a serious action and decision in our part to go. To teach. To do. Following Jesus means taking an action on our part. Loving as He loves. Every person. Showing up, even when we don't want to. Can you imagine for a minute what it would be like if we Christians actually followed the great commission? All of us. To every person. 

We sang one of my favorite hymns today that just resonates so well with Jesus's message:

'Freely, freely you have received;, freely, freely give. 
Go in my name, and because you believe others will know that I live.' (by Carol Owens)

We received God's amazing gift of Jesus without price. Free. And I hope I can live with that desire to freely give. To go. And the good news, at the end of His commission Jesus reminded us "I am with you always."

Living in the center of obedience

Hey friends, hope you're having a great week! So glad to have a return to sunny weather.  

Our family is packing- for my hubby to go to Haiti and to get ready to put our house in the market. Seeing big changes ahead.

Ever since Hope Spoken, I have been restless, feeling God's call but still trying to decipher what that is. So friends, I would love your prayer. Someone told me this week that when thinking about 

the future, about dreams, that there's no better place to be than the center of God's obedience. I would ask your prayer for guidance to be in that spot. 

Where Do You Abide?

Happy Friday everyone, hope you all are gearing up for a great weekend!

So most of you know that it's been a pretty busy year for us. New kiddo, sick family member, our son had surgery. Oh and we just bought a house that is a total fixer and my husband is going to Haiti next week.  So it's become very easy to get wrapped up in all the stuff of life. 

This image has been on the screen of my phone the last couple weeks (from She Reads Truth).  It comes from John 15:9- "Just as the Father has loved Me, I have loved you; abide in My love."  I looked up the definition of abide.  To accept or act in accordance with (a rule, decision, or recommendation).  

His love is there. We just have to choose to live in it. What do you abide in daily?

Somedays it looks like I choose to abide in stress. Abide in fear. In selfishness. I love this daily reminder to live in His love. His grace. I don't deserve it by any means. But His love is there. It's the rule. I just have to choose to live my life in it.

Dating my Husband

My wonderful husband and I went on our first date 14 years ago. 14 years! And while that by no means makes me an expert there are so many things I have learned and am continuing to learn about walking through life together with the person I love.

Dating. We went on our first date in a few months last night. It was at 4 pm and it was just over an hour but I had the best time. We are in a particularly busy phase of life between having 3 young children, planning a mission trip and preparing for an upcoming move and renovation (in town). Much of our time "together" is spent taking care of kids and after bedtime it's a mad rush to get all the tasks completed before we fall into bed exhausted at the end of the night. Yesterday I got to sit still with my husband. Sit across the table, and just be together. Is it as often or as long as I like? No, but sometimes it's just enough.

Prayer. It is so easy to feel sorry for myself sometimes. Feeling the burden of caring for a family definitely has its ups and downs.  I love caring for my children but there are times it can be isolating and therefore I focus on my own issues and dismiss my partner's. It is when I make a concerted effort to pray for my husband daily, to lift his needs up that I find my burden lifted as well. We pledged to work together but sometimes if I focus on my own work instead of focusing outward I bring both of us down. Taking time to pray together daily is something that is so easily forgotten but blesses our marriage so much. It's that daily reminder that our relationship belongs to Him. And his burden is light. 

I am still learning daily what it means to be a child of God. A wife. A mother. A friend. But I hope by being more intentional in my love instead of just getting through the day I can deepen all of these relationships. Will I be successful every day? No, of course not. But I pray that God can show me new ways to love daily.  

It is Finished

Surely our griefs He Himself bore, 

And our sorrows He carried; 

Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted.  

But He was pierced through for our transgressions, 

He was crushed for our iniquities; 

The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, 

And by His scourging we are healed

Isaiah 53:4-5

Hope in being vulnerable

Being vulnerable.  Just putting that word down makes my stomach drop a little.  It is incredibly hard to let your guard down sometimes.  Social media is the perfect example of that.  I like to post the pretty pictures of my children doing cute things.  I choose not to post a picture of me hurrying through the grocery store while one child is having a meltdown and the other is eating through the wrapper on the brick of cheese I just put in the cart.  

Lately, being vulnerable with God has been the biggest struggle.  It's hard, isn't it?  I don't want to admit that I truly need God.  People tell me I'm calm and have it all together, so I believe them.  Having 3 small children and other life happenings have made it so I shut God out recently to not let myself feel "less than."  I read my bible every day.  I pray.  But really open myself?  Confess that I am not control?  I was afraid once I opened the gates I couldn't stop.

And I was right.  This past weekend I went to an amazing conference called Hope Spoken.  It was an incredible weekend of hearing story after story of God's love.  God's forgiveness.  God's mercy.  In different women through all walks of life.  And through sharing these stories, including my own, my wall started to crumble.  And while those barriers are still there, I'm working to let God in.  Let people in.  Let God use those people that love me actually love me.  And in turn I hope to better love others.  Because that's what God calls us to, right?  To truly love our neighbors.  No matter what that looks like.  

So I am broken.  I do not know all the answers.  I do not have it all together.  But I am loved. 

Encouraging adventure

I don't know about you, but the thought of traveling with little ones always brings a sense of dread. Spring break was this past week. With my husband's work schedule and other recent life happenings, travel is just not in the cards this year. But we have always liked camping, so we decided to go for it. 

With a tent and $10, we could drive an hour to a local "mountain" and wildlife refuge. It was a cold night, but we had a great time and then took the kids hiking the next day. 

My little climber was super excited to tackle some boulders with dad. 

And someone might have passed out along the way from too much late night giggles the night before. 

I wish I could tell you there were no 2 year old tantrums or 5 year old whining (ha!). But it was reality so it wasn't the "perfect" family trip we all have planned in our head. But it was an adventure. And I can't wait to go on our next one. 

It's not always easy

Love. It doesn't always come easy does it?  It's easy to look at snapshots of our kids or think of the amazing times with our spouse or friends and reflect with love, but in the moment? Love becomes a choice, not necessarily a feeling. 

I don't know about you, but most days I wake up feeling determined. Today I am going to have it all together. I am going to be the perfect wife, mom, friend, organizer, Christian. How long does that take for me to mess that up? 

We live in a world full of pointed fingers.  We all have different viewpoints which most would agree is a wonderful thing. But when something goes wrong we are so quick to distance ourselves and make sure it's known the other is at fault. What if we did the opposite? What if instead of reacting against we reacted in love? 

In this Lenten season I have been reflecting on Jesus's reaction to our shortcomings. Instead of distancing himself he became us.  He took on our burdens as his own. Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all did that? If we all would put aside our own preconceived ideas and simply and wholly loved others. I'm hoping to wake today not full of ideas and determination to be "perfect" or even "good." But just love. No matter what. And know when I fall short that it's okay, because I am loved too.

2 weeks home

It's hard to believe we've been home 2 weeks now! It's definitely been a whirlwind, getting used to life with 2 toddlers. Anna has been an amazing big sister, she thinks it's hilarious when tackles her, and the 3 of them love to dance and play around.

There are definitely still a lot of transitions, getting used to me being mama, which he likes more every day, but definitely still holding me at a little distance many times. 

More and more he will relax and lean in for a hug and kiss, smile, and seem just comfortable in our family. 

The kids like to congregate around their little table often, coloring, playdough, or playing a game directed by Anna.

I took Asher to church for the first time to see big sister sing. We snuck in slightly late and left during the sermon, but it was nice to get out and see Anna, she did great!

My little firecracker has such an amazing heart and I love her. I love our new family, and seeing the great parts more and more each day.

Jet lag and getting settled

We've been home for 4 days now and things are gradually feeling settled, getting used to our new family. 

 

Our times outside have definitely been the best parts of the day. We are gradually adjusting to sleep- getting a little more each day. Asher usually sleeps at least a portion of the night in our bed, but is getting more comfortable in the pack and play next to us.  

He is definitely in love with his sisters. They allow him to see that it's ok to love us, ok to trust us. Jonathan went back to work right away, so other than laundry, much of the housework and unpacking has gone untouched. So yesterday I got brave and took the whole crew to the park. It was really fun, and Asher did great.

He still gets nervous if someone comes over and tries to talk to him, so we've mostly stayed at home and gone on walks around the neighborhood.  Today Jonathan took the girls to church and Asher and I stayed home. The loss of his sisters was NOT acceptable and he let me know it. I finally got us settled with some trucks on the front porch. 

We're all still pretty tired, but every day there's a little less fear, a little more smiling. Yesterday he grabbed my cheeks and kissed my face and I just about cried. I also got to take some time while he was napping and planted some mums with Anna. Ready for fall weather!

Home.

I may have resolved never to take a toddler on an international flight again yesterday, but we are home. Our girls love Asher so much, and he jumped right in with them. 

After all the changes, I'm hoping to not leave the house for a few days, as we get our nights and days switched around (I am writing this while wide awake at 2 am).

We are so grateful for all of your continued thoughts and prayers!

Best of times, worst of times

I have a love/ hate relationship with the US Consulate right now. We arrived at 8:30 Monday morning to take our oath to bring Asher home. This is the last step before they issue his visa and citizenship papers. Unfortunately, in our case there was a computer glitch. So instead of a one hour appointment we were there almost all day. And we left at the end of the day stressed, exhausted, and unsure if we were going to go home on Wednesday as scheduled.

Monday evening we went on a dinner cruise on the Pearl River. It was a beautiful night, and a nice way to take our minds off of the rough day. 

This morning we got up and headed back to the consulate. At breakfast we realized our story had made its way around as family after family came up and said they were praying for us. Determined to have a positive attitude, we walked back in and were told everything was fixed. We finished the processing, and were told they would do everything in their power to get our visa before we were scheduled to leave this afternoon.

We wanted to enjoy the day so we went to the Canton Tower, one of the tallest buildings in the world, pictured lit up above.  If you're amazing race fans, you'll recognize the "bubbles" they rode around in from last season.

We came back to the hotel and Asher napped while we packed. We even had time to take him swimming for the first time! 

We packed up, checked out of the hotel, said lots of prayers, and... Asher's visa was ready! I have never been so happy to see a passport. Tonight we're checking into the Hong Kong airport. Tomorrow we're headed home!

Exploring Guangzhou

Sunday we spent the day exploring Guangzhou. It is where the US Consulate is located, so all adoptive families have to get processed through here before leaving the country. It is also the second largest city in the world, at about 32 million! 

First we went to the Chen clan academy, a former school turned museum. The architecture was incredible. 

There was a calligrapher there who painted a scroll with Asher's chinese name, his date and place of birth, and his adoption date. 

Next we went to this area called Shamian Island. It's a former French settlement that was the former location of the US consulate when international adoptions first started. Now it's just a beautiful area with lots of trees and shops, it's a nice way to feel like you're out of the big city. 

It's kind of a tradition to take pictures with this statue on the island. Asher loved it.

Mostly we just enjoyed walking around and bonding with our beautiful boy!